Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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