the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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