a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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