sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
