Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
