Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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