Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
