I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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