and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
