i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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