she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize