chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
