I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How external is "for external use only"?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
