i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
