Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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