How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
