She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
