Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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