He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Less talking, more tequila
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
