im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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