I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
