so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
