Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
