How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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