I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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