Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize