I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
