I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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