Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
