I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize