Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
