i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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