but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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