So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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