If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
