no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
