babies were throwing up all over the place
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
