i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
