Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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