i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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