Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
