The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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