did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
