May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
