"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
