The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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