his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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