I am midnight drunk by noon
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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