They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
