i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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