I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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