when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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