My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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