I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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