FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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