Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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