I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
