You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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