"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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