Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
