Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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