We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
