sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
