Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
