I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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