I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
