Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
