so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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