hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
