i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
