Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
